raw feelings & abstract thoughts.
i need to get my mind off of all this. i need something. something to numb the feeling i have in my throat and heart.
My world turned upside down.. I found out you have been talking to someone else at the late hours of the night for god knows how long. I have no idea what to think or what to feel. 10 hours of arguing & crying yet nothing feels any better, which leads me to think it never will. The pain will constantly be there & my heart will always demand to feel the hurt from this situation. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the logic of it all.. I tell you we need to work on things between us & your reaction is to & pursue another girl? Please tell me how the fuck that makes any sense? I have been sitting here contemplating on different ways to justify your actions & for the first time, I’m at a lost for words. You like her, you talk to her daily, & you failed to remember that I was there the whole time. Congrats, you managed to hurt me in the most malicious way possible. There’s others things that just makes this so much worse but I am already breaking down while writing this so I shouldn’t. I’ll probably update when I can collect myself, but bottom line is that the betrayal & deceit is just irrevocably sickening. If I truly mean as much as you swear I do, then you would NOT be ending your nights w/ calls to her for 3 hours until 3 in the fucking morning. What kinda shit is that? Not to mention how you know about my trust issues, insecurities, & my jealousy problem yet you decided to continue on. While I’m fast asleep you are up talking to her. You even said you were aware of what you were doing & that you did think of me, & you continued. I must not mean much to you for you to totally disregard my feelings. I trusted you w/ my mind, heart, body, & soul; & this is how you repay me? I always said a relationship should be 100%-100% between a couple, never 50%-50%. Yet I was hauling 150% just to make up for what you lack. & I STILL somehow end up fucked over beyond explanation???? I can’t even go on, this is all too much. I’ll come back when I can function correctly.